Controversial opinion: I think Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are a bad idea.

Of course it is good to honor our father and our mother. But this should be done on a regular and active basis, not forced into a particular day that probably does more to serve commercial interests than it does to serve our parents. Honoring father and mother should be a regular and intentional habit, not a brief hurrah to make everyone feel better about what we neglect most other days.

We also forget that for many people, the concepts of motherhood and fatherhood are complex. There are women who desire to be mothers but are unable to conceive. Mother’s Day becomes a reminder of everything they want to be but cannot be. There are those who are estranged from their mothers and fathers, those who have been abused by their mothers and fathers, those who have been betrayed by their mothers and fathers. It works the other way around as well. I think of those mothers and fathers who get no phone calls or visits from children who have abandoned them. For many, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is another reminder of the death of a parent (or parents). It is also the reminder of the death of children. 

These examples are only a few. The list could go on and on.

As Christians, what we often forget is that our understanding of motherhood and fatherhood are radically different from what we find in the world. For one, God is our Mother and Father. Many churches will spend Mother’s Day or Father’s Day as a day to focus more on human parents than in worship of God, our true Mother and Father. The reason these days are not Christian holidays is that Christian holidays can only be celebrations of God and who God is. Any day that is a celebration of man or woman must fall into another category.

Further still: Jesus redefines how we think about family. We often neuter the controversial claim of the gospel that God demands our allegiance to Him come before any other allegiance. This includes our allegiance to family. 

In Mark 3 when Jesus’ mother and brothers try to find him, Jesus says: “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Jesus answers His own question by saying: “Whoever does God’s will is my brother, sister, and mother.”

For the Church, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are an opportunity to recognize what it means to be a father and mother, a family member in God’s people. It means obedience to the God who calls us. For the Christian, these days become opportunities to recognize that we are all welcome into the family of God. Our welcome and status is not based on anything but grace. We are not honored because we have great mothers and fathers, we are not honored because we are great mothers and fathers. We are honored because God chose us and God loves us and God calls us “Daughter” and “Son”, “Sister” and “Brother”.

This is not to say that we cannot recognize the hard work earthly mothers and fathers do. It is appropriate to recognize them, just as it is appropriate to lament with those who grieve the reminders of these days. But these can never become the focus or theme of worship. The focus and theme of worship, if it be worship and not idolatry, must be God.

The fact is that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not going away. But the Church must tread this ground carefully and prayerfully.