“Jesus reached for a little child, placed him among the Twelve, and embraced him. Then he said, ‘Whoever welcomes one of these children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me isn’t actually welcoming me but rather the one who sent me’” (Mark 9:36-37, CEB).

Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to be a parent. I am an independent, strong-willed person. At least that is my positive spin on the matter because it sounds a lot better than “selfish”. I enjoy having the freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Being a parent dramatically restricts this freedom. Children require constant care and attention. After a long day of work I would love to return to a quiet home, enjoy dinner with Amanda, and then put my feet up and read a book. Or go to the movies. Or go fishing. Or enjoy a conversation with my wife. Or just sit quietly thinking about the day.

But this is not how life works when you are raising young children. I come home and at least one kid is crying or screaming. The four year old wants to play or be read to. The four month old needs a diaper changed. Amanda has been home with them all day and needs a break. Home is not the sanctuary it once was.

I do need to note that much of what I share here is just selfish complaining. I am blessed with a wonderful wife who works hard to ensure I get more quiet time at home or away than I probably deserve. I certainly get more than she does!

Having been a parent for four years now, I still find myself grieving the loss of independence and sanctuary that I enjoyed before having children. I always knew that parenting would be hard. But I was unprepared for the challenge of being a parent. Those are entirely different things. Parenting has its challenges: caring for them when they are sick, disciplining them in age appropriate ways, teaching them the hard lessons of life. But I expected all that. Being a parent, on the other hand, entails the constant responsibility of care and thought  for your spouse and your child. It involves a redefining of self, identity, and purpose that I was simply unprepared for. There are times when I can stop parenting (when I am at work or when they are asleep). But I never stop being a parent. I constantly carry the responsibility, fatigue, and care that comes with having young children.

Please do not mishear me: I love my children more than anything. I used to tell my oldest when she was a baby, “It’s a good thing I love you otherwise I would tell you to take a hike.” There are few things in life that have brought me more joy and fulfillment than my two children. I would die for them in a second. But the challenge is not being willing to die for them but being willing to lay down my life for them. Those are two different things.

When I was in high school there was a popular band called The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (how they came up with that name, I will never know). But one line from their first album has stuck with me: “You said that you would die for me, you must live for me too.” I can almost hear my two children singing this line to me.

Being a parent is a workshop in discipleship as I learn how to lay down my life for someone else. In being a parent, I learn how to give up my independence and desires for those who have no idea what I am giving up and are not capable of any deep expression of gratitude. Being a parent requires me to learn to give myself up for someone without expectation or thought of reward. Being a parent, like few other things, helps form the character of Christ within me.

It is well known that Jesus says that we must become like children to enter the Kingdom of God. But Jesus also says that by welcoming a child we welcome him. We find the life of Christ when we love and care for children. Christ is formed in us as we lay down our lives for these little ones. In young children, we encounter Jesus.

Being a parent, despite all of its joys, can lead to resentment. I am learning to turn this resentment into thanksgiving. I am being led into the Kingdom of God by the hand of a four year old and a four month old, and most of the time I do not even know it.