When Maria Inskeep contacted me after our first episode came out offering to tell her story on the podcast, I became very anxious. “That would be amazing!” I thought, “But how do we talk about something so sad? How do I ask questions without being insensitive? How can we honor this without having an extremely serious, dreary, episode?”
I didn’t want to do it, I was scared.
When Andy, Maria’s husband, died, it was a shock for our whole district (group of churches). Although I hadn’t had conversations with Andy, I knew of him as one of our pastors. It was terrifying to have reality hit so hard that Andrew could die and I wouldn’t know what my identity would be or where I would go. I could imagine life without him and I didn’t want to face it. Andrew and I clung to each other.
Instead of sad and dreary, this interview is full of joy and hope. Maria talks about special times she had with Andy, life in ministry with and without him, and ways she faces the grief. Although I didn’t want to face this back in January, I feel incredibly blessed to have gotten to talk with Maria and learn about grief and how to help those in pain.
Because of the unflinching way she talks about grief, death, and her story, it emboldened Andrew and I when we recorded our conversations. Therefore, we lean into the subject of death. This conversation includes reflections on our culture’s reactions to death and dying, and the use of Simulation in the training of medical professionals in delivering Bad news. We also discuss the dead turtle that launched our parenting into the next level.
I hope you enjoy this episode!
Amanda Sinift
P.S. Since we are on the subject of death, I highly recommend Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande.
“In the end, people don’t view their life as merely the average of all its moments—which, after all, is mostly nothing much plus some sleep. For human beings, life is meaningful because it is a story. A story has a sense of a whole, and its arc is determined by the significant moments, the ones where something happens. Measurements of people’s minute-by-minute levels of pleasure and pain miss this fundamental aspect of human existence. A seemingly happy life maybe empty. A seemingly difficult life may be devoted to a great cause. We have purposes larger than ourselves.”
A 5 star Review by Goodreads Reader Rebecca:
“An essential guide to decision-making about end-of-life care, but also a more philosophical treatment of the question of what makes life worth living. When should we extend life, and when should we concentrate more on the quality of our remaining days than their quantity? Most of the book weighs the plight of the elderly (it’s not just grim nursing homes out there), but there are also plenty of illustrative cases about the terminally ill. The “Letting Go” chapter is among the best; it grew out of this New Yorker article, which proved extremely helpful for my sister when she was arranging hospice care for her late husband.
Along with The Emperor of All Maladies, this is a book everyone should read. Surgeon Atul Gawande, like Siddhartha Mukherjee, brings a physician’s technical knowledge to his writing, but also a very personal touch: his father, grandfather, and grandmother-in-law are among his subjects. This book is truly a gift. I plan to pass it to my mother; she’s only 67, but it’s never too early to start on that ‘hard conversation’ about one’s wishes for the end of life.”
P.P.S. I worked in Medical Simulation for nearly 5 years. Here is a four minute video (that I am actually in) called What is a Simulated Patient.
“The main goal of the Simulation Center is to improve safety within patient care. Current and future health care professionals can practice on task trainers, simulated mannequins, and simulated patients to hone their skills, refine advanced techniques, and learn valuable social interactive tools for delivering important news to patients.” (https://www.pnwu.edu/about/offices-departments/simulation-center/)
The Local Pastor 